i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
