His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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