wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize