Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
