Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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