i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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