hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
