I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
