A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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