I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
