We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
