remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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