also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We are two peas in an std pod
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
