You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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