also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
