i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
