I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
