6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We smell like vodka and hangover
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