i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
