i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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