Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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