Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
True strength comes from lack of pants
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize