I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
