please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He shit in the fireplace
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
