...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
