I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Randomize
