i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
