my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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