No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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