I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
