he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize