watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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