He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
