it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Please don't give away my fajitas
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
