I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
