I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So much rum. So many feels.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
