After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
