Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
