My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
