Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
