Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
