I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize