In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
