Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We are all done wearing pants today
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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