the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
