I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize