Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You need Xanax blowdarts
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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