I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
