Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
