she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
