He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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