I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize