Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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