Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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