dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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