I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
