Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have to summon your inner elephant
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
