Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
