i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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