..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
