I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
