marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
