At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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