Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
