I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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