I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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