real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
