i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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