im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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