I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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