Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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