So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
