Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
