found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize